Dressing like Skanks

That's roughly the title of the article/interview in MacLeans that I read last night. In it, a journalist decries the current fashions for tweens and younger - fishnet, short short skirts, revealing, off the shoulder tops and T shirts that say things like "Who needs brains when I have this?" We'll ignore the basic problem of what is (not) concealed below "this" on the t-shirt when the garment is made for pre-pubescent girls - it's the principle she's complaining about. She also made mention of the fact that exercise manufactuerers are making poles for tweens.

In case you don't know (and my information here is NOT, I repeat not first hand), a pole is an accessory that strippers - er - excuse me, "exotic dancers" use in their acts - the symbolism should be obvious, and if it's not, blush along with me - it's a symbolic penis. I gather that the women use it somehow in their acts, symbolicly. I guess. I dunno - I do know that exercise classes for women use them now, and it's the great hot trend (or was a year or so ago.) The moves are apparantly very - um - healthy in a cardiovascular way, and improve flexibility and muscle mass. According to some women, the moves are also great for their sex lives. Gets 'em hot.

I bet.

I'm totally confused by this - let's leave aside the obvious problems of promoting stripping moves for kids and stick with the adults for a while, okay? I have a colleague who, when I happened to mention this, thought it was a great idea - she couldn't wait to sign up. I cannot understand her enthusiasm - she WANTS to imitate a group of women who, both historically and to a large extent today, are not exactly lauded for their work - strippers have been perceived as either hookers moonlighting (which most aren't, by the way), or next door to prostitutes. They aren't invited to the best parties (neither am I but for totally different reasons), they aren't featured in newspapers and TV and radio unless it's about their awful working conditions and the lack of respect for their work, and the bad treatment they're subjected to as part of what they do to earn a living. There aren't a lot of TV shows built around a stripper as a main character. And people WANT to imitate these women? People want to imitate a group who are treated badly, earn poor wages and have to put up with behaviour that would land a man in court for sexual harrasment or assault on a routine, night by night basis?

I remember travelling to Vancouver with Big Dance for a conference and while we were on deck, we saw a woman who had obviously had extensive cosmetic surgery - this woman's body was perfect - perfectly proportioned, perfectly pert, everything tight and right and gorgeous. Naturally we watched her with varying amounts of envy, and discovered that she was an exotic dancer. While we were all on deck, a deckhand approached and said that the captain had invited her up to the bridge. She looked delighted and followed the guy up. About 15 minutes later she was back. Her body language and facial expression indicated clearly that she'd been hurt and humiliated in some way. How I'll never know, but it was major - the only reason she wasn't in tears was because she was in such a public place.

My guess is that they wanted her to service them sexually - if they'd requested a performance, she'd either have complied for a fee, or turned them down and been angry, not humiliated. What other woman would have that happen to them? A doctor wouldn't, an actress wouldn't, a writer sure wouldn't - those women might be approached for a single encounter, privately, but they wouldn't be asked to the bridge to service the entire bridge staff, that's for sure!

And women want to imitate women who are treated like this?

No - what they want is that aura - the hot, sexy, can't wait to go to bed with "you" (nearest available hot body, I guess) and I will make your wildest dreams come true mystique. I dunno - the feeling I get with that kind of mystique or atmosphere or whatever it is suggests to me lust run rampant - I'll bed anything that will satisfy my physical urges.

That's a male thing. I have on good authority (men themselves) that when that part of their body speaks, they don't really care about the person inside the flesh - the body simply wants a receptacle in which to douse its heat, and that's the end of it. Which is not to say, by the way, that men don't form long lasting monogamous bonds, just that it's a fact of their lives they have to constantly control and learn to subsume in order to form long lasting bonds and stay out of jail. The point is, that it's not a woman thing by and large. Which is to say again, not that women don't have that reaction, but I gather not to the same degree and not as persistently as men's. Or wasn't until recently.

I ask again - how come our "liberation" and "empowerment" means, all too often, either imitating the worst in men, or acting as though their fantasies are ours and it's okay to be the way their fantasy women are? Nothing wrong with fantasy and fantasizing. When it's not sexual, it's called daydreaming. It's where most writers get their ideas, and where all writers write from. If we didn't have active fantasy/imaginative lives, writing just wouldn't be worth it, and it sure wouldn't be worth reading.

But when did it become okay for us - for women - to act and believe that it's freeing and empowering and liberating to adopt the men's attitude that screwing anything with the anatomy that turns your crank is just fine? And when did it become not only okay, but practically mandatory to dress like a slut to ensure your popularity?

And that brings us back to the kids. I agree with the journalist - I think it's scandalous to market that kind of clothing to anyone - I don't care what their age is, I think it's demeaning and cheapening to market clothes that say "I'll do anyone" to women. But it's worse to market to kids. First, the peer pressure is immense. I still remember what happened when we dressed our daughter in trendy clothes (not skank clothes - they hadn't trickled down that far then.) Instant popularity - she had more invitations to play dates and more fun than she'd had for a year and a half prior to us dressing her that way. It was amazing, and disgusting, frankly. Her peers didn't care about her, they cared about how she looked - and when the clothes looked right, they liked her. When they didn't look right, they didn't like her - daughterling hadn't changed in that time.

When the fashion is to dress like someone who sleeps with anyone who asks, kids don't get the message they're sending through their clothing. They don't get what it means. And that's especially true with the tweens - they're sending a message, not just to their peers, but to the pedophiles among us, that they're free and easy and cheap.

But more than that - it carries some really serious long term messages here. Earlier I said that women who take pole dancing courses are buying into that fantasy mystique - and that's true, they are. But they're also buying into an image that is devalued - that allows others to treat them as a product, a service, and a cheap and disposable one at that. By marketing clothing that streetwalkers would wear to advertise their product and service, our culture is saying that women aren't worth respecting for who they are, for their personalities and skills and talents - they're worth only the image they present to the world - and the image is one that invites disrespect, abuse and marginalization. How is that going to affect our kids, our young girls, if that's they way they've been dressing since they were 7?

I dunno - but if we spend our lives dressing as though we're free for the asking, as though we're cheap, easy and disposable, then people are going to treat us this way. And if we're treated that way long enough, won't we begin to believe it, given that women's self esteem tends to be based more on others opinions of them than what they themselves accomplish?

Stop the world, I think I want to get off.